A bit personal

"Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves." -Gandhi

This past weekend/week has been an interesting one. I find myself doing a lot of reflecting and soul searching and self analysis (oh, fabulous). Friday I left work all excited for the weekend. We had President's Day off, so it was three days of whatever I wanted. Back in NC I would leave work, probably go have a family dinner, go out with friends, let my hair down, and have some fun; but this particular Friday it hit me in the face that I don't have that here. My Friday's usually consist of me coming home, eating a little something, going to the gym, coming home to shower and then watching a movie in bed. I've been totally content with being alone, but Friday it hit me a little more than I wanted it to. Coming out here, I prepared myself for this. I expected this. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less or make me homesick. This was the first weekend I felt a little homesick. Saturday I got called into work at REI, which was fine because my throat was sore as hell (damn you flu/cold season!). Sunday I refused to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I decided to suck it up and get back on my bike. I miss my bike. I miss my rides with my friends. Ultimately, I miss the roads at Jordan Lake. I intended to get in a good 50 miles, but after 30 miles on the bike trails I got frustrated with them and lost with their round-about ways. I don't like these damn bike paths. They are just wide sidewalks where I have to avoid running over runners, roller bladers, homeless people, and pigeons/geese/seagulls (are you lost?). Not to mention, the trails seem to go through not the prettiest of places, more like run down industrial areas where everything is graffitied over. I realize I had it good in Apex with the open, country roads. 

I've had some of the best moments and the worst moments of my life on my bike. I've experienced extreme joy and extreme pain, physical exhaustion, and emotional exhaustion, and some of the most mentally demanding times on my bike. It's funny what endurance exercise can do and what you can learn about yourself. Spend 7 hours on the saddle and you will find yourself at a high at mile 25, a feeling of exhaustion and hopelessness at mile 50, and then 25 miles later you're on the top of the world again. You will find more self-reliance and intrinsic motivation in those moments then anywhere else. I miss that. I miss heading out of the brewery with the team nervous with anticipation about how this ride was going to be. How would my body react today? Would I drag? Would I pull the paceline for a ridiculously awesome fast-paced pull? But there were also times when I just loved hanging out, feeling my legs work, feeling my muscles stretch and contract, feeling the wind on my face and the sun on my shoulders, and watching the fields pass by me. I would finish a 50 mile ride and think "I did that. My legs took me that far.". It's an awesome feeling and it's the addiction that keeps me wanting more and more. The other nice thing about biking, is it gave me a little boost of confidence. Those that know me know how I am with body image. While I am not harsh on others, I am harsh on myself, and not the most confident person in my own skin. I've tried for years. I've worked out for years, lifting, eating right, cardiocardiocardio. But biking showed me something else. I was doing all of these rides, all of the miles, and I was doing it on my own. Who cares what I look like, I was doing awesome stuff! I started to feel a little more accepting of myself. This was me, I was biking over 100 miles a week and having a blast, and this was me. 

So here I am 6 months after getting hit by the car and I've lost every lesson I tried to hold on to. For three months I couldn't work out and it killed me. It wore me down and depressed me. I thought "omigah, I'm gonna become a fat cow and lose it all". But I didn't. I did lose some fitness that I have to work back up to, but I know with time I'll be back. Yet here I am taking so much for granted, right on cue. Sometimes while I run at the gym I'll go back to August 12: I'll take my bike out of my hotel room, I'll be excited to be in CO on my own, I'll be excited to check out this new bike trail, I'll bike down the road, and I'll get hit by that car. I'll remember laying in the road confused. I'll remember seeing people running to me and carrying me to the side of the road because I don't want to move. I remember these things and it drives me physically to run faster, run harder, push myself physically. But what I forget to remember, is that I'm here and that it doesn't f-ing matter what I look like or how big my legs are or how much fat I think I do or don't have, because I am here. I remember getting home and my grandma saying how she was thanking the heavens for letting her granddaughter live. I thought she was being the most dramatic thing ever, but I'm starting to realize that maybe she wasn't. Maybe I need to understand that I am damn lucky. I am damn lucky to be up walking down the street, to be riding my bike again, to be seeing my family and seeing all the things I'm seeing. When you think of it like that, it's kinda ridiculous to even think of body image, isn't it? I thought after the accident I had my priorities straightened out, but it seems over time they've gone back to what they were before. But I'm determined to remake myself. I've started to see that on my deathbed I don't want to think "Well, I've spent many hour in that gym.....woot." No, I want to think "I've biked through the most beautiful fields, and hiked over the most amazing mountains, and ice climbed freaking frozen waterfalls, and rock climbed in awesome canyons...". Basically, friends, I want to live a badass life. I want to DO things. And I think the whole body thing will just not matter because I'll be too busy being a BAMF (new acronym for dad: Bad Ass Mother F-er). And with that, folks, I step off my soap box. Maybe I'm getting a little too personal with this blog, but, oh well...

I started biking to meet people. I met some of the most amazing people.

Carolina Brewing Company double paceline.

Physically, emotionally, and mentally the most amazing sport I've ever done.

XC Skiing Gone Wrong.

"There are no failures. Just experiences and your reactions to them." -Tom Krause

If Tom Krause said this to me last weekend when I attempted to go cross country skiing, I'd probably tell him to stick my skis where the sun don't shine. Needless to say, it was an interesting day. Sunday I started off with high hopes. I rented some cross country skis from REI and found a good place to try them out. Mind you, I should have been smart and youtubed this activity, but that would require me using my brain and I just don't seem to do that often. I got to Elk Meadow in Evergreen and all I knew how to do was put the skis on and that's only because the rental guy at REI told me how to! So I logically think of how this would work and I start on my way trying to get the hang of this thing. Someone told me it was just like the nordic track at the gym (which my gym doesn't have of course). Now if they meant that I would stay in place and continue in the same motion, then I would say yes, it was quite like that. I found myself literally not moving location, yet moving my legs and arms in a "cross country" fashion. I finally got moving a little bit and it just wasn't clicking, so after 25 minutes I said "screw it, I'm going snowshoeing" (at least I was smart enough to bring those knowing this might not go well). I turn around and start sliding down a slight decline. Now y'all, I didn't grow up skiing. I don't know how to ski. I don't know how to control myself when sliding on snow. Nor do I like to slide on the snow while standing up. Naturally I try to talk myself through this, "Okay, Dana, keep those knees together. Relax. Enjoy this.". Yeah right, I freaked out and just fell over. I put a nice little knot in my shin and naturally started cursing at the skis. I took them things right off and marched back to my car cursing at the skis the whole way (Like father, like daughter). It was a gorgeous day, the sun was out and it was actually pretty warm out! So don't worry, I didn't let this XC skiing experience damper my day. I put on my snowshoes and had a trail loop in mind and was ready to get in a nice hike. Off I go and it was so great! I looked at my feet and said "yes, you are meant for walking, not being strapped in long pieces of sliding plastic!". It's gonna be a good day....if only I had looked a little closer at the specifics of the trail. Now don't get me wrong, I love going uphill. I'm a weirdo, I love sweating and getting a good burn (yeah!) but when I am going uphill for over an hour, I start to get a little confused if I'm not going up a damn mountain. Well, my friends, I was going up a mountain. I took a break (#35) and looked at the topography map and realized that I was gaining about 2,000 feet of elevation. Oh, well no wonder why I'm sweating like a mad woman and becoming exhausted by the second! I wasn't prepared for this. My legs were already weak from my workout in the gym the day before (no excuses: no pain, no gain!). I finally decide the damn snowshoes are slowing me down and so I take them off and start trudging up in my hiking shoes (which are NOT water proof, bad life decision number 765). Soon enough, I'm exhausted, hungry, and my shoes are soaked along with my socks. Great. I finally get to the top, hallelujah! The trail is no longer hard packed snow and I'm basically walking in water shoes so I decide to put the snowshoes back on. At this point, I am at an all time low and I'm only half way done. On top of all this glory, it starts snowing. I understand that not every hike is going to be a good hike. You're always going to have good days and bad days, this is life. But y'all, I was NOT a happy hiker. To make life even more positive the trail I finally get to to start heading back to the car is called "Too Long Trail". By this time of delirium, I find this hilarious and laugh like a crazy lady. I'm also cursing at the snow, which is not something I ever wanted to find myself doing. I always wanted to like the snow, it's so pretty and all. But by this point I am hating it, sick of seeing it, and just want it to be warm, sunny, and dry. After a few miles of crazy lady Dana, I finally simmer down and quietly just keep walking. I finally get to my car, strip off my shoes and socks, and dry my feet in the foot heater of my car. What.a.day. Today I hope to go for a nice long hike, and I pray it goes a bit better than last weekend. Also, I bought some waterproof hiking boots yesterday and hopefully they will be shipped to REI in a few days. Huzzah. Life is good. Happy trails, y'all!

XC Skiing. Here we go!

Looking a bit ominous. 

Did I say XC skiing? Scratch that, I meant snowshoeing.

This is what happens when I try to self-entertain myself.

It's still pretty!

This is still pre-crazy Dana

Hysteria sets in.

It's snowing, ya say? Oh how fabulous! That's so great, because I'm so tired and my feet are wet!

Honestly the best way to finish off the day. Chili, coffee, and a good book. 

"Holy crap, this is so crazy!"

"The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot." –Michael Altshuler

If you asked me on Friday what my weekend was going to be like, I would have told you "Well, we have 2 feet of snow. I ain't movin' near my car or doin' much of anything!". Here is what really happened.

The annual ice climbing trip came upon us this week in Ouray, CO and I couldn't make it. One, I'm broke. Two, I couldn't get the time off from work. Three, my tires are getting to be as bald as my boss (I can say that, because he will never read this blog. I hope.). And four, I must remind myself that I did, indeed, get hit by a car less than 6 months ago and my hand doesn't enjoy the cold weather right now, much less swinging an ice pick into a frozen waterfall and pulling my body weight up with it. So I opted out (kicking and screaming). But some lovely folks from NC that I climbed with last year were coming, and my one friend, Tim, flew in to Denver. Don't ask me why this made sense, or how this logically and financially seemed sound, but we decided it made perfect sense to road trip to Grand Junction and meet up with our friends driving to Ouray from Portland. I soon realized that this is insane because Grand Junction is 4 hours away and I would be basically driving 4 hours there and then coming back the next day, all just to drop Tim off at a pickup spot (which of course was REI). Tim's flight was to come in Friday night, but it started snowing Thursday and didn't stop until Saturday, so I was betting (thankfully nothing) his flight would be cancelled, along with the other 600 flights that did. But no, Tim's flight was right on schedule and got in Friday night at 11pm. Hell no I wasn't driving out there! There was 2 feet of snow! But our friend Lynna did the honors of picking him up and dropping him off. So it wasn't looking good and I was pretty much not budging on the "hell no, I'm not driving through the damn mountains in this!!!". 

Saturday morning, we woke up with it still snowing. But, of course, Tim's short stay in Denver would never be complete without a trip to the Denver flagship store. I should have just picked up a damn shift because the kid spent 5 hours in REI taking pictures of the place. While he was off drooling, I talked to some coworkers about the road conditions. Turns out the mountains didn't get much of anything and the roads should be totally clear (Dana's mouth drops at this time). So now I start having this internal Type A battle of "I need to take him so he can get there with everyone's climbing gear" and "are you seriously thinking about driving right now?". (Side note: other friends going climbing shipped all of their climbing gear to my REI with my name on it. If Tim didn't get to Grand Junction with their stuff, no one would be climbing Monday.) 

Long story short, I was able to suppress my Type A ways, suck it up, and hit the road. And, boy, am I so glad I did. My eyes saw the most amazing, spectacular, beautiful things this weekend. We got into Grand Junction past sundown. We woke up early to grab some breakfast and my only request for this whole trip was that if I were to drive to Grand Junction, we had to go to the Colorado National Monument. "Holy crap, this is so crazy!" I probably said that statement every 5 seconds. Literally. Tim was probably close to stuffing my mouth with a sock. I was jumping out of the car every second to take pictures and it took us an hour just to drive 10 miles to where we were going to hike. It's honestly moments like that that take your breathe away and really make you realize how insignificant we are and our stupid little worries. You see something this naturally amazing and it just shuts you up and slaps you in the face with reality. I love it. 

After being blown away all morning, we went to REI to meet up with Jason and Elizabeth (our friends that relocated from Cary to Portland). One hug from both of them made me so sad I wasn't going to Ouray, so naturally, Jason being the enabler he is, told me to call in sick and come to Ouray for one day of climbing. "You must be out of your damn mind!", sounds about right for what came out of my mouth. But 30 minutes later I found myself in my car following Jason and Elizabeth south to Ouray. What.am.I.doing?!?! Honestly, it was worth it. Just being able to see them, even after so long, we all just fell back into place. I got to see all my climbing buddies from last year (minus a couple) and I got to see parts of Colorado that I have been dying to explore! I would have loved to have spent a whole week in Ouray. It's this awesome old mining town and it just has that small town charm. 

Monday we woke up bright and early to get geared up and ready to climb. Thank the gods there were 5 REI employees in that house, they were able to dress me from head to toe, and I rented a helmet, crampons, and boots in town. It's funny when time goes by, but you get yourself in a situation you were in a year ago and it feels like no time has passed. There I was, freezing my ass off saying "damn, why do I continue to love this?", then you sink the pick into the ice and start climbing and you remember...because it's freakin' badass, that's why! We all got a few climbs in and then called it a day. Ouray is seriously so much more intense then North Conway, NH ever could be. The climbs are HUGE! As we were leaving, snow was coming down pretty hard and I knew I needed to get my butt in gear and head out. I had a 6 hour drive back to Denver, and I didn't need to be getting home at 11pm. So I turned down the hot springs (Pagosa Springs' are better...just sayin...) and headed on my way. Once I got out of Ouray, the snow stopped. I was driving through canyons and mountains and just the most breathtaking scenery. I was starting to enjoy this 6 hour drive home.......until I hit snow. I spent a good 3 hours driving through snow, going 35-40 mph with my flashers on. Now y'all, I'm from North Carolina. I'm sorry that I can't drive 60 mph in the snow through the mountains, but cut me a break here! Even the damn 2WD cars are whizzing past me. I finally got home 7.5 hours later and was so happy to be out of the car. But let me tell ya, that was the most spontaneous and crazy weekend ever. I got to see great people and explore some of the most amazing places. I'm really lovin this place.

First task: Dig out car.

"Holy crap, this is so crazy!"

Why, hello there, gorgeous.

Ma would love this! I can hear her now: "Look at those striations!"

Can you find Tim?

Holy crap.

I often chill on fault lines

Welcome to Ouray!

Such a cool old mining town

And we're back! (and, yes, this is the most awkward stance ever)

Elizabeth being a badass.

Some of the craziest climbs I've seen

Snow Day Fun Day!

"The grass is always greener where you water it."


I chose this quote because my mother is always saying to me "Well, Dana, grass was always greener on the other side for you, wasn't it?". This statement not only makes my blood boil, but it makes me want to lightly punch her in the baby maker (love ya, ma!). So this quote makes me smile because it's similar to the quote I despise, but it has a fun twist to it that makes me happy. Sometimes it's hard to juggle all of lifes' obstacles and balance everything. I think my issue is I'm constantly wanting to find that happiness instead of just kickin' back and letting life run it's course and being happy along the ride. But I like to take action (it's the Type A way!). I want to find that job that I love and do the things I want to do and make things happen and then I'll be happy! But ya see, I know that's not the way it works. I also find that I forget I'm only 23 and need to chill the f- out and enjoy life as it plays out. For heaven's sake, five years ago I was 18 and starting college! Look at all I've done in five years! Who the hell knows what will happen in the next five years! It's so exciting! It's already exciting for me to say, wow, I graduated at 21 and worked a year, moved to CO on my own, and am working somewhere new. That's a lot in 2 years! (Congratulatory pat on the back, Dana) Okay, so where the hell am I going with this? I have no idea, but this is my blog so if I want to rant on about absolutely nothing on this glorious snow day, I can. Point is, people, life is fun. Life is whatever the hell you want it to be. Water it whatever way you want to. Today is a snowy blizzard of fabulousness. I took a few walks in it and it made me wish my sister was here with Landolino so we could be 5 again and laugh until we can't breath and drink hot cocoa with our clothes hanging over the heaters to dry off. I have many fond memories in the little amount of NC snow we had growing up. 


This past weekend I didn't really do much. I was fighting off a cold, so I wasn't feeling as energetic this week as I usually do. Saturday I went to Boulder to visit my friend from Apex. It was very enjoyable and we just spent the day walking around Pearl Street Mall looking in shops and then drank too many apricot brews (which are freakin' delicious, by the way). Sunday I attempted another hike at Deer Creek Canyon. I tried out a different loop and was going to also try a trail that I have really been wanting to see, but I got very dizzy during my hike and had to cut it short. I was thoroughly displeased with these turn of events, but I'll just have to go back. Not many pictures were taken on my hike because I'd already been on the trail the week previous, but I did find a very large surprise! Have a great weekend everyone! (Does anyone actually read this?...)

Sunset in Boulder

Big Foot exists, and this is proof. 

No, this is not big foot, this is my way of presenting how much snow we got over night! It's still comin' down!

My Colorado home :)

this is as artistic as I get, people

giggidy!