hi-ate-us

"There is not one big cosmic meaning for all, there is only the meaning we each give to our life, an individual meaning, an individual plot, like an individual novel, a book for each person."

                            -Anais Nin

Oops. The fact that I didn't even remember the name of this blog is shameful enough. Oh, ya know, it's only been FIVE MONTHS. Fail. Let's see if I can sum up those five months quickly (don't laugh, mother, I know you are!). In March my gorgeous sister came out to visit!! I was SO excited, words cannot even describe. I wish I could have taken her all over CO and gone on fun road trips, but of course I couldn't get time off work and time was limited. We still managed to make it out to Red Rocks, Boulder, and Garden of the Gods. In April I found a new place to move with some great girls from REI that are more my age. Sadly it didn't end well with my old roommate and between work and all of the drama going on with the last roommate I was ready for May to come. In fact, my sanity depended on it. So in May I got to go home for a whole week (yeehaw!) and go to Sunset with the family and see my best friend get married. In June I finally went on THE bike ride. Ya know, the one that puts life back on track. The bike ride that wakes up your soul and says "Hell yes! Welcome back!". I went with my buddy Dave on a Friday night and we camped out on top of Squaw Mountain so we could get up and meet his friends for a nice Saturday morning ride up the mountain. This would be my first mountain climb on the bike and I was scared out of my mind! It didn't help that we camped on top of the mountain, because that just meant we had to drive up it and then drive down it in the morning to meet his buddies. Y'all, that mountain was freakin' ridiculous. RE-DIC-U-LUS. It was 20 miles uphill....up.hill. I don't even like hills! I can't climb a damn hill, let alone a mountain!! So we wake up and I am pacing. I am shaking. I am sweating and having mini panic attacks. I am surprised I didn't put myself in cardiac arrest even before getting in the saddle! But I calmed myself down and told myself I could do this. Slow and steady wins the race. I told them to just leave me alone and let me do my thing and that's what happened. I don't care anymore that I can't keep up with people, I just care about finishing and I know that if I do my thing I can finish. The best part about 20 miles up, is 20 miles down. But going down a mountain can get a little scary, especially on the switchbacks and going 30+ mph down. By the time we got back to the cars I couldn't stop smiling. I felt on top of the world. I freakin' did it, y'all! I did it! And so it began. Not even a week later I was going through Copper Mountain up Vail Pass. Then I attempted Lookout Mountain, which succeeded in kicking my ass, so I did it again the next weekend. Last weekend I went with Dave and his buddies up Deer Creek Canyon and then up High Grade Rd (note the street name, it should go ahead and just say "Ass Kicking Rd"). It succeeded in doing just that, so I did it again today. I'm not very good at going up hill and I'm definitely not fast, but I'm addicted. Last weekend my lungs hurt for two days after climbing up High Grade, but today went better. 

Yesterday marked the day I got hit by the car one year prior. It was a big day for me, despite what some may think. Some people think it's a bad day to remember, but to me it means something special. It was one of the biggest life changes I've probably ever had and definitely one of the biggest challenges and obstacles I've ever had to endure. A few weeks ago I couldn't fall asleep and I dragged out my journal and just started reading through it. It was good for me because I think most days I forget the pain I went through. Not physical pain, but mental and emotional. I was a freakin' mess! My life was a disaster at that point. I had no job, no home, no income, I had a broken hand, and I couldn't walk. So yesterday I got to reflect and see how far I've come in that one year. I have gone through a lot this year and I hope it has made me a better and stronger person. I think the tricky thing about your 20s, is it's all full of unknowns. It's scary at first, but now I kinda love it. It's exciting and scary! Who the hell knows what I'll be doing a year from now, or where I'll be, or who I'll be surrounded by! The possibilities are endless, but you only live one life, so never ever stop livin'. As for me lately, I've been trying to cross things off my bucket list. I have my first half marathon next weekend. 13.1 miles. Holy shit. I've always wanted to do a half marathon, but was always too chicken to sign up for one. I decided to celebrate my one year anniversary of the accident, I would run a half to prove to myself that nothing can stop me from achieving my goals but myself. So next Sunday I will be able to cross it off my bucket list. I also started a pottery class. I've been wanting to learn how to throw pots for years now and I finally said "why am I not doing this?". At first I said because I can't afford it. And then I said, screw that, you only live once, Dana. Do it because you want to and because you can. Make it happen. So I have now crossed that off the bucket list as well. So this year has overall been one hell of a year for me! I've crossed many things off my bucket list! I moved out west. check. Biked up a mountain. check. I will run my first half next weekend. check. I am taking pottery classes. check. What's next?! I don't know. But I do know that I am determined to live my life and love every second of it. 

Sissy came to visit :)

My childhood best friend, Libby, got married.

I went up my first mountain, Squaw Pass. Elevation Gain: 5, 013 feet.

Top of the pass= great views

Dana's July 4th Firecracker Ride up Vail Pass.

Birthday Potluck dinner. I have been blessed with amazing people here.

Climbing Lookout Mountain

The official change.

Descending Deer Creek Canyon behind Mr. USA.

Pot Throwing :)

Today's second attempt up Deer Creek Canyon/High Grade

Keep on livin' :)

Colorful Colorado

"The whole life of a man is but a point in time; let us enjoy it."    

-Plutarch

Ah, a new week. This quote is one I have been looking at to keep me going lately. Life is too short to get in a lull, and while I know life is made up of all things; happiness and sadness, pain and pleasure, love and hate, these are all emotions that we need to enjoy and feel. They make us human. Sometimes when I'm in a funk, going outside in the sunshine is the best medicine, so that is exactly what I did. I had the whole weekend to myself and while sometimes I don't know what to do with myself, I always find myself getting in my car and driving out to Morrison to find a place to play. Saturday I put on my new trail running shoes, packed up my camelback, grabbed my hiking boots, and got in the car. I had absolutely no idea what the hell I was doing, but I knew it was a gorgeous day (i.e, it wasn't snowing) and the sun was out and I needed some vitamin D. There has been a small trail I've been meaning to go to (refer to the entry where I got dizzy and had to end my adventure short. boo) with some awesome scenery. I decided I would start there and since it was a shorter trail and not going over a mountain, I'd try my luck at trail running. The funny thing about trail running is that I can't stop slowing down to take pictures of the scenery. I found myself laughing out loud, in part because I'm going mental, but mainly because I was running along this trail seeing the craziest awesomeness ever and it's all just funny to me. "Oh, here I am, running in Colorado among these awesome geological landscapes. No big deal." And yes, part of me slowing down was also because I sure as hell can't run uphill very well. In my defense, the wind was ridiculous and giving me an earache. But you tell me, would you not stop to smell the roses with this?

Slight incline, I mean, look at this awesome scenery!

but no really, this is awesome. 

It was around this time my phone died and I ran out of excuses to stop and catch my breath. I ran about 6 miles (I promise I didn't walk that much...only up the hills that almost put me in cardiac arrest!) and I was so far from done for the day. It was so gorgeous outside, regardless of how damn windy it was (seriously, I'm not the one in Chicago). I decided I've always been meaning to make it to Red Rocks Amphitheater and I always just drive right past it when going through Morrison. So I drove there and parked on the side of the road and just started walking. As cool as it would be to see a concert there, just being able to take in the crazy geology is beyond words. I bought a geology book a couple months ago and I've totally failed at reading/studying it, but dammit I hope to because this stuff is fascinating. It's way more amazing than anything man made, in my opinion. I walked around the park for awhile and finally decided I was hungry and the wind was starting to get to me due to my delicious sweatiness. I definitely hope to take my sissy there when she comes NEXT WEEK! (SO freaking excited to see her!) Plus, I need to go back because I didn't get to take any fun pictures due to my phone dying. (Note to self: don't FaceTime with the family all morning and think your phone will last the rest of the day.)

Sunday I was excited to go to yoga in the morning. It was one of the best yoga classes I've ever had, which automatically means the day is gonna kick ass. Duh. After yoga, I stayed for the kickboxing class because I'm an overachiever and determined to get my ass back in gear. Then after kickboxing I packed up the car once again and was back on my way near Morrison for some more trail fun. It was by far the most gorgeous day in a long time. The weather was amazing and the sun was too good to pass up. I went out into Matthews/Winter Park, which is right next to Red Rocks. The trails were really muddy (is it weird that at times I wanted to put my hands in it and slather it on my face?) and some parts were sloshy snow, which is always a blast (note the heavy sarcasm). But once I went over top the ridge it was dry as a bone and absolutely glorious. I took a snack break on top of an awesome rock formation and was lovin' life. Sunday was definitely a fun day, and I'm totally wiped out, which gives me a feeling of accomplishment. 

I love rocks :)

Notice how the sun reflects right off my skin. White girl problems.

I sneakily used that man for a comparison shot.

Oh, striations. How you fascinate thee!

I hope to have an epic blog post next time full of fun times with my sis! I'm SO excited to see a familiar face! Have a glorious week everybody!

A bit personal

"Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves." -Gandhi

This past weekend/week has been an interesting one. I find myself doing a lot of reflecting and soul searching and self analysis (oh, fabulous). Friday I left work all excited for the weekend. We had President's Day off, so it was three days of whatever I wanted. Back in NC I would leave work, probably go have a family dinner, go out with friends, let my hair down, and have some fun; but this particular Friday it hit me in the face that I don't have that here. My Friday's usually consist of me coming home, eating a little something, going to the gym, coming home to shower and then watching a movie in bed. I've been totally content with being alone, but Friday it hit me a little more than I wanted it to. Coming out here, I prepared myself for this. I expected this. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less or make me homesick. This was the first weekend I felt a little homesick. Saturday I got called into work at REI, which was fine because my throat was sore as hell (damn you flu/cold season!). Sunday I refused to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I decided to suck it up and get back on my bike. I miss my bike. I miss my rides with my friends. Ultimately, I miss the roads at Jordan Lake. I intended to get in a good 50 miles, but after 30 miles on the bike trails I got frustrated with them and lost with their round-about ways. I don't like these damn bike paths. They are just wide sidewalks where I have to avoid running over runners, roller bladers, homeless people, and pigeons/geese/seagulls (are you lost?). Not to mention, the trails seem to go through not the prettiest of places, more like run down industrial areas where everything is graffitied over. I realize I had it good in Apex with the open, country roads. 

I've had some of the best moments and the worst moments of my life on my bike. I've experienced extreme joy and extreme pain, physical exhaustion, and emotional exhaustion, and some of the most mentally demanding times on my bike. It's funny what endurance exercise can do and what you can learn about yourself. Spend 7 hours on the saddle and you will find yourself at a high at mile 25, a feeling of exhaustion and hopelessness at mile 50, and then 25 miles later you're on the top of the world again. You will find more self-reliance and intrinsic motivation in those moments then anywhere else. I miss that. I miss heading out of the brewery with the team nervous with anticipation about how this ride was going to be. How would my body react today? Would I drag? Would I pull the paceline for a ridiculously awesome fast-paced pull? But there were also times when I just loved hanging out, feeling my legs work, feeling my muscles stretch and contract, feeling the wind on my face and the sun on my shoulders, and watching the fields pass by me. I would finish a 50 mile ride and think "I did that. My legs took me that far.". It's an awesome feeling and it's the addiction that keeps me wanting more and more. The other nice thing about biking, is it gave me a little boost of confidence. Those that know me know how I am with body image. While I am not harsh on others, I am harsh on myself, and not the most confident person in my own skin. I've tried for years. I've worked out for years, lifting, eating right, cardiocardiocardio. But biking showed me something else. I was doing all of these rides, all of the miles, and I was doing it on my own. Who cares what I look like, I was doing awesome stuff! I started to feel a little more accepting of myself. This was me, I was biking over 100 miles a week and having a blast, and this was me. 

So here I am 6 months after getting hit by the car and I've lost every lesson I tried to hold on to. For three months I couldn't work out and it killed me. It wore me down and depressed me. I thought "omigah, I'm gonna become a fat cow and lose it all". But I didn't. I did lose some fitness that I have to work back up to, but I know with time I'll be back. Yet here I am taking so much for granted, right on cue. Sometimes while I run at the gym I'll go back to August 12: I'll take my bike out of my hotel room, I'll be excited to be in CO on my own, I'll be excited to check out this new bike trail, I'll bike down the road, and I'll get hit by that car. I'll remember laying in the road confused. I'll remember seeing people running to me and carrying me to the side of the road because I don't want to move. I remember these things and it drives me physically to run faster, run harder, push myself physically. But what I forget to remember, is that I'm here and that it doesn't f-ing matter what I look like or how big my legs are or how much fat I think I do or don't have, because I am here. I remember getting home and my grandma saying how she was thanking the heavens for letting her granddaughter live. I thought she was being the most dramatic thing ever, but I'm starting to realize that maybe she wasn't. Maybe I need to understand that I am damn lucky. I am damn lucky to be up walking down the street, to be riding my bike again, to be seeing my family and seeing all the things I'm seeing. When you think of it like that, it's kinda ridiculous to even think of body image, isn't it? I thought after the accident I had my priorities straightened out, but it seems over time they've gone back to what they were before. But I'm determined to remake myself. I've started to see that on my deathbed I don't want to think "Well, I've spent many hour in that gym.....woot." No, I want to think "I've biked through the most beautiful fields, and hiked over the most amazing mountains, and ice climbed freaking frozen waterfalls, and rock climbed in awesome canyons...". Basically, friends, I want to live a badass life. I want to DO things. And I think the whole body thing will just not matter because I'll be too busy being a BAMF (new acronym for dad: Bad Ass Mother F-er). And with that, folks, I step off my soap box. Maybe I'm getting a little too personal with this blog, but, oh well...

I started biking to meet people. I met some of the most amazing people.

Carolina Brewing Company double paceline.

Physically, emotionally, and mentally the most amazing sport I've ever done.

XC Skiing Gone Wrong.

"There are no failures. Just experiences and your reactions to them." -Tom Krause

If Tom Krause said this to me last weekend when I attempted to go cross country skiing, I'd probably tell him to stick my skis where the sun don't shine. Needless to say, it was an interesting day. Sunday I started off with high hopes. I rented some cross country skis from REI and found a good place to try them out. Mind you, I should have been smart and youtubed this activity, but that would require me using my brain and I just don't seem to do that often. I got to Elk Meadow in Evergreen and all I knew how to do was put the skis on and that's only because the rental guy at REI told me how to! So I logically think of how this would work and I start on my way trying to get the hang of this thing. Someone told me it was just like the nordic track at the gym (which my gym doesn't have of course). Now if they meant that I would stay in place and continue in the same motion, then I would say yes, it was quite like that. I found myself literally not moving location, yet moving my legs and arms in a "cross country" fashion. I finally got moving a little bit and it just wasn't clicking, so after 25 minutes I said "screw it, I'm going snowshoeing" (at least I was smart enough to bring those knowing this might not go well). I turn around and start sliding down a slight decline. Now y'all, I didn't grow up skiing. I don't know how to ski. I don't know how to control myself when sliding on snow. Nor do I like to slide on the snow while standing up. Naturally I try to talk myself through this, "Okay, Dana, keep those knees together. Relax. Enjoy this.". Yeah right, I freaked out and just fell over. I put a nice little knot in my shin and naturally started cursing at the skis. I took them things right off and marched back to my car cursing at the skis the whole way (Like father, like daughter). It was a gorgeous day, the sun was out and it was actually pretty warm out! So don't worry, I didn't let this XC skiing experience damper my day. I put on my snowshoes and had a trail loop in mind and was ready to get in a nice hike. Off I go and it was so great! I looked at my feet and said "yes, you are meant for walking, not being strapped in long pieces of sliding plastic!". It's gonna be a good day....if only I had looked a little closer at the specifics of the trail. Now don't get me wrong, I love going uphill. I'm a weirdo, I love sweating and getting a good burn (yeah!) but when I am going uphill for over an hour, I start to get a little confused if I'm not going up a damn mountain. Well, my friends, I was going up a mountain. I took a break (#35) and looked at the topography map and realized that I was gaining about 2,000 feet of elevation. Oh, well no wonder why I'm sweating like a mad woman and becoming exhausted by the second! I wasn't prepared for this. My legs were already weak from my workout in the gym the day before (no excuses: no pain, no gain!). I finally decide the damn snowshoes are slowing me down and so I take them off and start trudging up in my hiking shoes (which are NOT water proof, bad life decision number 765). Soon enough, I'm exhausted, hungry, and my shoes are soaked along with my socks. Great. I finally get to the top, hallelujah! The trail is no longer hard packed snow and I'm basically walking in water shoes so I decide to put the snowshoes back on. At this point, I am at an all time low and I'm only half way done. On top of all this glory, it starts snowing. I understand that not every hike is going to be a good hike. You're always going to have good days and bad days, this is life. But y'all, I was NOT a happy hiker. To make life even more positive the trail I finally get to to start heading back to the car is called "Too Long Trail". By this time of delirium, I find this hilarious and laugh like a crazy lady. I'm also cursing at the snow, which is not something I ever wanted to find myself doing. I always wanted to like the snow, it's so pretty and all. But by this point I am hating it, sick of seeing it, and just want it to be warm, sunny, and dry. After a few miles of crazy lady Dana, I finally simmer down and quietly just keep walking. I finally get to my car, strip off my shoes and socks, and dry my feet in the foot heater of my car. What.a.day. Today I hope to go for a nice long hike, and I pray it goes a bit better than last weekend. Also, I bought some waterproof hiking boots yesterday and hopefully they will be shipped to REI in a few days. Huzzah. Life is good. Happy trails, y'all!

XC Skiing. Here we go!

Looking a bit ominous. 

Did I say XC skiing? Scratch that, I meant snowshoeing.

This is what happens when I try to self-entertain myself.

It's still pretty!

This is still pre-crazy Dana

Hysteria sets in.

It's snowing, ya say? Oh how fabulous! That's so great, because I'm so tired and my feet are wet!

Honestly the best way to finish off the day. Chili, coffee, and a good book. 

"Holy crap, this is so crazy!"

"The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot." –Michael Altshuler

If you asked me on Friday what my weekend was going to be like, I would have told you "Well, we have 2 feet of snow. I ain't movin' near my car or doin' much of anything!". Here is what really happened.

The annual ice climbing trip came upon us this week in Ouray, CO and I couldn't make it. One, I'm broke. Two, I couldn't get the time off from work. Three, my tires are getting to be as bald as my boss (I can say that, because he will never read this blog. I hope.). And four, I must remind myself that I did, indeed, get hit by a car less than 6 months ago and my hand doesn't enjoy the cold weather right now, much less swinging an ice pick into a frozen waterfall and pulling my body weight up with it. So I opted out (kicking and screaming). But some lovely folks from NC that I climbed with last year were coming, and my one friend, Tim, flew in to Denver. Don't ask me why this made sense, or how this logically and financially seemed sound, but we decided it made perfect sense to road trip to Grand Junction and meet up with our friends driving to Ouray from Portland. I soon realized that this is insane because Grand Junction is 4 hours away and I would be basically driving 4 hours there and then coming back the next day, all just to drop Tim off at a pickup spot (which of course was REI). Tim's flight was to come in Friday night, but it started snowing Thursday and didn't stop until Saturday, so I was betting (thankfully nothing) his flight would be cancelled, along with the other 600 flights that did. But no, Tim's flight was right on schedule and got in Friday night at 11pm. Hell no I wasn't driving out there! There was 2 feet of snow! But our friend Lynna did the honors of picking him up and dropping him off. So it wasn't looking good and I was pretty much not budging on the "hell no, I'm not driving through the damn mountains in this!!!". 

Saturday morning, we woke up with it still snowing. But, of course, Tim's short stay in Denver would never be complete without a trip to the Denver flagship store. I should have just picked up a damn shift because the kid spent 5 hours in REI taking pictures of the place. While he was off drooling, I talked to some coworkers about the road conditions. Turns out the mountains didn't get much of anything and the roads should be totally clear (Dana's mouth drops at this time). So now I start having this internal Type A battle of "I need to take him so he can get there with everyone's climbing gear" and "are you seriously thinking about driving right now?". (Side note: other friends going climbing shipped all of their climbing gear to my REI with my name on it. If Tim didn't get to Grand Junction with their stuff, no one would be climbing Monday.) 

Long story short, I was able to suppress my Type A ways, suck it up, and hit the road. And, boy, am I so glad I did. My eyes saw the most amazing, spectacular, beautiful things this weekend. We got into Grand Junction past sundown. We woke up early to grab some breakfast and my only request for this whole trip was that if I were to drive to Grand Junction, we had to go to the Colorado National Monument. "Holy crap, this is so crazy!" I probably said that statement every 5 seconds. Literally. Tim was probably close to stuffing my mouth with a sock. I was jumping out of the car every second to take pictures and it took us an hour just to drive 10 miles to where we were going to hike. It's honestly moments like that that take your breathe away and really make you realize how insignificant we are and our stupid little worries. You see something this naturally amazing and it just shuts you up and slaps you in the face with reality. I love it. 

After being blown away all morning, we went to REI to meet up with Jason and Elizabeth (our friends that relocated from Cary to Portland). One hug from both of them made me so sad I wasn't going to Ouray, so naturally, Jason being the enabler he is, told me to call in sick and come to Ouray for one day of climbing. "You must be out of your damn mind!", sounds about right for what came out of my mouth. But 30 minutes later I found myself in my car following Jason and Elizabeth south to Ouray. What.am.I.doing?!?! Honestly, it was worth it. Just being able to see them, even after so long, we all just fell back into place. I got to see all my climbing buddies from last year (minus a couple) and I got to see parts of Colorado that I have been dying to explore! I would have loved to have spent a whole week in Ouray. It's this awesome old mining town and it just has that small town charm. 

Monday we woke up bright and early to get geared up and ready to climb. Thank the gods there were 5 REI employees in that house, they were able to dress me from head to toe, and I rented a helmet, crampons, and boots in town. It's funny when time goes by, but you get yourself in a situation you were in a year ago and it feels like no time has passed. There I was, freezing my ass off saying "damn, why do I continue to love this?", then you sink the pick into the ice and start climbing and you remember...because it's freakin' badass, that's why! We all got a few climbs in and then called it a day. Ouray is seriously so much more intense then North Conway, NH ever could be. The climbs are HUGE! As we were leaving, snow was coming down pretty hard and I knew I needed to get my butt in gear and head out. I had a 6 hour drive back to Denver, and I didn't need to be getting home at 11pm. So I turned down the hot springs (Pagosa Springs' are better...just sayin...) and headed on my way. Once I got out of Ouray, the snow stopped. I was driving through canyons and mountains and just the most breathtaking scenery. I was starting to enjoy this 6 hour drive home.......until I hit snow. I spent a good 3 hours driving through snow, going 35-40 mph with my flashers on. Now y'all, I'm from North Carolina. I'm sorry that I can't drive 60 mph in the snow through the mountains, but cut me a break here! Even the damn 2WD cars are whizzing past me. I finally got home 7.5 hours later and was so happy to be out of the car. But let me tell ya, that was the most spontaneous and crazy weekend ever. I got to see great people and explore some of the most amazing places. I'm really lovin this place.

First task: Dig out car.

"Holy crap, this is so crazy!"

Why, hello there, gorgeous.

Ma would love this! I can hear her now: "Look at those striations!"

Can you find Tim?

Holy crap.

I often chill on fault lines

Welcome to Ouray!

Such a cool old mining town

And we're back! (and, yes, this is the most awkward stance ever)

Elizabeth being a badass.

Some of the craziest climbs I've seen